Crazy Girl

Heres the thing girls. We can all be crazy at times, but the time important thing is to do it in the privacy of your home or with your closest girl friends. That way you won’t be judged. Most of the time we can see someone else acting crazy, but when it comes to calling ourselves out on it, it’s a bit harder. Easiest way to repel a guy is if you are a clinger. Keep that in mind for a stalker boy that doesn’t want to leave you alone. Hold up a behavior mirror to him, and he’ll be running for the hills.

I can’t emphasize enough how key playing hard to get it is. There is a limit to the amount of coy you should be throwing out there. That fine line of making sure you don’t come off not interested in him. If a guy wants to get into your pants, he’ll always want to get into your pants. There’s just a point of when he doesn’t want to work for it anymore. First, almost all guys tell me they think every girl is crazy. How could they not? Most girls have no self respect anymore. They throw themselves on every man possible, put themselves together in a way easiest to get out of, and beg for everyone’s attention. Not to mention, if they are seeing someone, they blow up their phone, cyber and physically stalk them, and nag them about every girl they look or talk to. Yeah, I’d clarify that as bat shit crazy. So how do you expect men to have a good idea of us in their head? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for checking their facebook… a few times, and texting them first… once in a while. That is normal behavior. You gotta give a little to get a lot.

Why this topic comes into play is because I was recently asked to write an article, “7 Signs You’re Acting Like a Crazy Girl”, and I thought it was such a good idea that I had to share it here. What is sad to me is most of them time the girl doesn’t know she’s behaving like a nut job. Besides the article, I wanna throw out there when to realize you’re just not gonna get the guy. Sometimes we become that “crazy girl” because the guy we want just isn’t into us. He may be nice and respond to your texts, or tell you you’ll hang out but don’t, or flirts but it goes no where. We get excited about all these false promises that we create this fantasy in our heads that really isn’t the reality of the situation. I don’t blame you, attention from guys is intoxicating, but then you need to break it down and see what’s truly going on. Best thing is to try and step outside of yourself and see the situation from above. When I’m having a moment, I call my best girl friend and ask her, “if it was you telling me this, what would I tell you?”. It works every time. If you have to ask yourself, “do you think he’s into me?” then more probable then not, he isn’t. 

There are a few simple things to remember about guys that explain their behavior. The problem is trying to figure out which one fits your scenario. Guys don’t want to hurt you for no reason, so usually they are pity nice. They will respond to your text, but are short. If they aren’t inquiring about you in conversation, they don’t care to really talk to you. They might respond to you hours later with an excuse to make it sound better then, “i actually was ignoring you until I was bored enough to respond.” Then there’s false promises. Listen, if a guy isn’t following through with what he’s saying to you, he’s not interested in actually seeing you. Guys do like to lead girls on. Not always intentionally, but they like to have someone around they know wants them. It’s a good feeling, and male or female we all have or had someone like that. Then there’s the guys who just can’t grow a pair. This is a rare, barely ever the answer, situation. For what ever reason they have a fear thats preventing them from pursuing you. Whether it’s an old heart break, or they think they could see a relationship with you and aren’t emotionally ready for that, it holds them back. Some times a guy has a lack of self esteem that causes them to self sabotage themselves before they even make it to first base. Again, this is why I said rare case. Lastly, the obvious reality is he isn’t that into you. Maybe he’d hook up with you, one day, but if a guy really is interested in you, you know. His actions equal his words, or more. He puts in an effort. It’s clear and simple.

The hard part for girls is realizing he isn’t into you. It’s disappointing, absolutely. But no reason to become psycho over it. Try some acceptance around it and let it go. Worst thing you can do is push yourself on a guy. Pull away, as far as possible. Sometimes it even makes that guy not interested in you, interested. Thats why I said in the beginning if you are ever that girl in the situation with a boy who is more into you then you him, become overly attached to him. Think of how to lose a guy in 10 days. Use all the crazy girl symptoms below to the best of your ability. You’ll lose those needy clingers in a heart beat. In any case, you may just realize you’ll never want to be a crazy girl again. 

7 Signs You’re Acting Like a Crazy Girl:

1. Constantly Calling and Texting a Guy

Having to text a guy first, shame on him, having to text a guy four times, shame on you. Ladies, its definitely cool to text a guy first. A lot of guys are unsure if you are into them or not so It’s a way to let him know you’re approachable, but having to text him more times then that just screams needy. If he isn’t making the effort to contact you first, or even respond to you at all, he’s most likely not interested or scared of you. Give a guy space, and play that major card called, “hard to get.”

2. Asking Every Person if “He’s Into You” 

Yes, we all love to tell stories of that cute boy we hung out with or are talking to. What else are girlfriends for? But constantly having to ask other peoples opinion if he’s into you should show you a sign of crazy girl syndrome. When someone is into us we know it. Having to tell the same story over twenty times to people makes you look a little nuts. And truth be told needing to ask if he’s into you usually means he’s not.

3. Physical and Cyber Stalking

Thank you social media for sharing with me all the pictures of the guy i likes’ ex girlfriends, best friends, and places he hangs out. There is a difference between checking out your crush online, and spending 2 hours learning everything about him before getting to know him in person. A sign you’re acting crazy is sitting at his facebook page for more then 10 minutes. Another sign is hanging out every weekend at the spot you see him tagged in the most, waiting for him to hopefully show up. Instead update your profile with a cute picture of you and your best friend, and go out to a new spot you know your crush won’t show up to. Give him a chance to let him take you out to his favorite place himself. 

4. Always Available for Him 

The best advice I can give you is if a guy you like asks you out on a date, tell him you’re busy and offer him a different day or night. It shows you aren’t too eager and you have a life. When we pounce at any option to see him it takes out the mystery in his mind of whether we like him or not. A lot of girls don’t make plans to go out because they sit around waiting to hopefully hear from the guy they want to see. Ladies, your basing your plans off of a slight chance you might get a text or call? Don’t be nuts and blow off your friends. Go out and paint the town. If you end up hearing from him, just remember you are worth waiting for.

5. Emotionally Invested Too Soon

I will be the first person to admit that I enjoy having someone give me attention, make their move, and give me signs he’s into me. The crazy girl will take that to a new level and make it much more then it is. Falling in love on the second date because you had a fairy tale moment doesn’t exactly scream normal. Remember to emotionally move slow with a guy because most of the time he’s not as far along as you are.

6. Personality Change

A lot of times when women start dating a guy we start to morph ourselves into the person we think they want us to be. We forget they fell for who we were when they met us, and start to lose all those great personality traits that charmed those guys in the first place. Just because we hear them talk about the music they like, or style they find attractive, or looks that turn them on doesn’t mean we have to become that. If they didn’t like us in the first place, they wouldn’t have pursued us. Remember to stick to your authentic self, because being you is more sexy then becoming a robot we “think” they want.

7. Checking Your Phone Every Five Seconds

How many times a day do you stare at your phone hoping for a ring or that tri-tone text message to appear? Constantly looking at your phone is one of the biggest signs you’re acting like a crazy girl. Sometimes you just need to disconnect from technology and put your phone on silent. It’s not going to kill you. And if by chance you do hear from him, the time it takes for you to answer will show you aren’t sitting around by your phone. Think how it makes you feel having to wait to hear from him. Being detached from your phone just turned the tables, and boy it feels good to put him in your shoes.

Four Male Realizations

I want to share with you Four Male Realizations. These are things we always think about or over analyze but never feel like we have an answer to. Read these and it may help ease that case of the crazies you’re going through.

1. The Goodbye

Ever think about the awkward goodbye with the cute guy you just met? Sometimes we look back at how it went down. Was it awkward, did he hug me, did he even say goodbye? A friend of mine once described a goodbye as, “a guy’s last chance”. It’s that fleeting moment that gives someone the last chance to make an impression. A few options go along with this. If he doesn’t say goodbye it is because he either was too nervous or he is not interested. Each are usually blatantly clear but if you can’t see the difference then you need to probably go back to the beginning of this blog. There is the guy who makes an effort to make sure he can see you before you walk away. By the way girls, don’t go out of your way to say goodbye to a guy. Make it attainable but not mandatory. If a guy does say goodbye to you there is an interest there, don’t second guess it. Now hopefully the guy goes in for a hug. Any type of body touching is good. The length of the hug does matter. This all probably sounds extremely strange but think about it, he is a guy and he wants to feel you. If its a pull away hug that is just blah it doesn’t mean much. He’s just being sincere. If its a hug with a tight squeeze its an, “I definitely enjoy this” hug. Don’t be upset if he doesn’t lean in for the hug, he could just be too shy and doesn’t want to get in your space. The goodbyes are always tricky so try to make it easy on these poor fellows and go along with what ever they do.

2. Our Actions Equal Our Words, Their Actions Contradict Their Words

This is going to be short and sweet. I want you to think about something. When you text a guy, call a guy, or talk to a guy in person, the things you say you usually mean, right? Well, I want you to now think about the response you get from guys. How many times what they say to you they actually do or follow through on? I believe this is where the whole men are from mars and women are from venus thing comes into play. If we tell a guy how we feel and say we like to be texted and called and sent cute messages during the day and he says the same thing, how often do you actually get those messages, or how often does he actually respond to yours? I will let you make your own verdict to this hypothesis but I have found more times then not our actions match our words, and men, well they spit their game very well and thats as far as it goes. The exception is if he is really into you. His actions will go above and beyond what ever he says to you. Keep that in mind when you’re questioning if a guy is into you or not.

3. If He Doesn’t Want to Hook Up With You, It’s Clear

“It’s okay we can just be night time booty calls, I’m good with that.” PSH. Ladies, yes we all like to get laid, but most of the time we’re just saying that because the guy we want to bone doesn’t want anything more then sex. If you have already had sex with him and he’s somewhat ignoring you, take the hint. He won his challenge and just is not intrigued anymore. Becoming an easy sex hand out isn’t making a new challenge either, just makes you the back up to the person he wanted but couldn’t get. If you’re continually texting him to hang out at last call to either play video games, smoke a bowl, drink some wine, or watch the hang over, but you have only accomplished one task out of the four he’s really not interested. Randomly getting picked up as a booty call is low. Now, if you’re in the control position and turning down the offer often, isn’t it because you’re really not that interested? Turn it around. That “a-ha” moment you just had hopefully clears up any confusion you had about where you stood with your booty call. 

4. You’ll Know What Kind of Guy You Are Dealing With Within Two Weeks

He says he will call you and doesn’t, he will always be like that. He says he hates texting and rather talk on the phone but only texts you, he won’t talk on a phone. He says he wants to take you out to this restaurant or that place, it’s been almost two weeks and no sign of italian food or griffith observatory. Only way you’re going to see that is on your own time. Guys spend the first two weeks wooing you. This is where you see what kind of guy you’re getting to know. Is he chivalrous? Does he stick to his words? Is he trying to excite you with things? Or is he saying all the things you want to hear and not following through with anything? Thats another example of guys not owning their words. Give a guy two weeks to show you who he is. After two weeks if you’re disappointed don’t expect anything to change. Its only going to get worse so get out while you can.

Wing Me

“Come be my wing girl for the night!”. I get that text, phone call, and email too many times that i can count. But what does that really mean? Urban Dictionary defines it as, “Similar to the word wing man, but is a girl. A wing girl is a girl who helps out a guy/girl friend to meet other people of the opposite sex, someone who proves as an ice breaker.” I define it as, “a badass friend who wants to help hook you up with someone.” There is an art form to being a wing girl. You don’t want to step on your friends toes, come off as interested in the guy you are trying to set your friend up with, or be too obvious. Guys don’t like things handed at their feet. They do like their ego fed though. Your job is to be the mystery girl, the secret agent, that girl who knows how to be one of the guys. A major rule to always remember, never out your friend. By that I mean don’t go up to the guy and say, “hey, see that girl there, she wants you and thinks you are hot.”. That would be a big fail. My second grade teacher used to say, “words are like toothpaste, once its out there’s no putting it back in.” She said I’d always remember that and apparently I have. 

 Who you hang with shows a lot about your character. Having “that girl”, and by “that girl” I mean the extremely sloppy drunk who’s vocabulary sounds like a game of word scramble, be the one to hook you up with the guy at the end of the bar is a bad idea. Having that friend who comes off as the cool girl able to talk up a conversation with any one is the one you want. The wing girl is the make or break it part to the beginning of a fun filled night romance. I made a list of rules to go by to keep it simple. Think of it as Winging for Dummies. 

 5 Rules of Winging:

 1. When talking to a boy for your friend, only approach him when your friend leaves the area.

 2. The best time to catch him is alone, otherwise when he is with a small group.

 3. Start up your conversation with the words, “this is probably extremely random”, “im sorry to bother you”. or “can i ask you a question?”

 4. Find out information on him (such as where he is from, where he works, how old he is, if he is single etc.) before you throw out to him the fact that your friend finds him intriguing.

 *Note* Please do not sound like a check list. Keep it natural.

 5. Words you use have meaning. Boys get scared off way to easily, mainly by avoidable things. Using words such as cute, like, hot, wants, etc. are example of the big bad scary vocabulary. What you want are “thinking” words. These are the words that make boys question what that means exactly, like a back handed compliment. The “thinking” words are more along the lines of intriguing, interesting, curious, etc. 

What not to say: “My friend wants you and thinks you’re cute.”

What to say: “My friend and I found you intriguing so I thought I’d come over.”

What not to say: “This girl I’m with is totally single and wants you.”

What to say: “My friend doesn’t know I’m coming to talk to you, but you looked interesting and her type so I wanted to come introduce myself.”

See how you can turn it from obvious to enticing? Make sure you don’t stay too long talking to him. He could be that guy that gets annoyed easily and you don’t want to be a nag. Especially when alcohol is involved. Wait till you see your friend enter back in the room, tell him it was nice to meet him, offer him and his friends to join you, and walk away. I repeat, offer him and his friends to come join you. Go over to your group of girls, don’t talk to your friend right away because you know that the guy is going to be looking over and checking her out to see if he is even interested. Wait a good 2-3 minutes then start to talk to her. The vibe you give off when you talk is important so make it look like you’re talking about something as natural as sports. Keep in mind, you told him your friend doesn’t know you came over to talk to him. All he knows is the conversation you two had could be a secret. Men have this natural structure in their brain that any time they have to question something its a turn on. Wait to see if him and his friends come over. If they do, you’re in. If not wait for the next round of cuties to enter and repeat. Remember, romance is just a game, its all about how well you play it.

Pick Me Up

Ever have those moments when you walk in to a room and you want every guy in there to run over and just say, “Hey.. I want you!”? Well ladies, the thing is most of them think that, but they just don’t do it. My goal for this post is to make a brief clear statement of how to make that happen… to a degree.

“Come Hither Look”:
I like to think of this as a classier version of the eye F#@%. Please do not drool and look like you are stalking the poor gentleman just trying to order a Stella. The goal is to catch his eye a few times. You want him to know you are intrigued and definitely looking at him with out making it awkward. Then ignore him for as long as possible without bordering on the timeline of closing hour for the location you’re at.

“Pick Up Line”:
This is your time to play the cutesy girl next door with a hint of bimbo. I give you three options to ask. One, “I’m so sorry to bother you but you look so familiar. Do you work at ____ (fill in blank)?” Two, “This may sound extremely random, but is your name ____ (fill in blank)?” And third, “Can I ask you a question? Do you live around here because I’m looking for the nearest ____ (fill in the blank)?” When you ask these questons come off as you are not interested in him. You are merely asking a simple question that anyone in the room would know. Continue the conversation based off which line you use for a few more sentences. Never let him ask you a question. If he does, answer his question with a question. For example, if you are asked, “are you from around here?” or “did you grow up in ___ ?” you can respond with, “why? does it seem like I am not from here?” Please refrain from any cold monotone. The key is to throw him off with your sexy intrigue not turn him off by your bitchiness. After a good five minutes or so, walk away. Enjoy your evening with your girlfriends. Chat up a few guys. And wait for him to come back to you. It’ll happen, I promise. Just never give him a cold shoulder.

Phone Number Slip:
The dreadful handing out of phone numbers. Simple, if he asks for yours, turn it on him. “Why don’t you give me your number and I’ll text mine over to you.” DO NOT text him your digits. When he tells you he didn’t get it use the “no service” excuse. “It will go through when I get service outside.” I know you’re smart so just come up with some lie verbage. If he doesn’t ask for your number but he has seemed interested in you, ask for his number. Most likely he is nervous that you aren’t that into him because you’re coming off as hard to get (right?) so he just doesn’t want to be rejected. If anything he will be turned on by the fact you are so ballsy as to ask for his digits. The test with this is to know if the guy is interested in you or not. If you do get his number use the FOUR day rule. Yes, we have all heard about the three day rule because we all sit and waited by our phone on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday to hear from the guy we met over the weekend. We are sneakier then that ladies. We use four days to throw off his own guy code rule. How much more shocking is it to receive contact from someone after we have given up the thought that we had a chance? When ever we need to make a move, put the thought behind it, “how would i feel?”. Sometimes when we put ourselves in their position it gives us a clearer view of what steps we need to take.

Three tools to know if he is down for you: body language, conversation, and outside influences. If he has his body turned towards you and not away it is a sign he is open to you. If he is leaning into you instead of pulling away it shows he is intrigued and wants more. When the conversation is a lot of him talking, even maybe a bit of rambling, it comes off as nerves. We all know what that sounds like. Him nervous is good. When he distances himself from his friends to continue to be around you thats a great sign. Tip for that, tell him you don’t want to keep him from his friends. It gives him a free out if he needs out, shows you aren’t a clingy girl that wants all the attention, and tests his interest level in you. If he leaves, well, the answer to that should be clear enough. 

That pretty much sums up the female art of being picked up by a guy. So take that desire to be mobbed in a place by hot guys into action. Doll up, grab your wing-girls, and go play. Boys aren’t the only players out there.

When the Past Becomes Your Present

Last night I watched the movie, ‘What’s Your Number?’. If you haven’t seen it yet, I definitely recommend watching. Anna Farris plays up the part of a girl searching out all her ex boyfriends to see if she can re-spark a flame. It got me thinking how many of us really do that? I’d like to think we can group these people into categories. One, the people who go on facebook and stalk anyone they have ever hooked up with. Two, the people who stalk their exe’s facebook and then contact them “just to say hi”. And third, the people who go out of their way to meet them seeing if that old flame is still there. Usually the hope for that is a passionate quickie endeavor. Who isn’t interested in the thought of are they single now, are they married, are they fat, did they randomly turn into a goth or join a colt?

I recently met up with a guy i dated for a while. Ever have those relationships where you’re just like, “what the F*^% was that?” I never knew if he liked me, our conversations were just horrible, and i always was calling him a douchelord. The gift I got out of this is that I was completely my authentic self. I didn’t care about what I said, or what I did. We aren’t together nor was I looking for anything.

Dating 101:

Lets back up to when we first meet a guy. We become this girl we think they want. If they aren’t looking for a relationship we become that girl who “just wants to have fun”. If they like a girl who is edgy and and spontaneous next thing we know we’re acting like this unstoppable bitch who wants to bungee jump just to turn him on. We ask them who their favorite actress is or what type of girl they like… we die our hair and watch every movie that actress is in. We try and become this fantasy instead of being from our own reality. For example, Anna Farris’ character sees her ex bf Simon, who was English and sure enough their whole relationship she faked an English accent. Totally relatable? Every text that is sent out, every word that is written or spoken, we over analyze. And guys think we’re crazy? I wonder why. Dating is suppose to be fun, but when we say dating sucks it is because we make ourselves crazy. Someone once told me, “you’re more then welcome to be crazy, but only on your own time.”

Think of the quote, “never let him see you sweat.” Guys’ biggest turn on is a girls confidence. So act confident. Thats all. Go ahead and cry to your girlfriends about the bullshit in your head that isn’t true at the time. In 3,6,9, how ever many months when you’re finally over him, none of the time you wasted over-thinking everything was worth it. And you’ll see that, which leads me to the meeting up with an ex. You don’t care what you say or how you act because you don’t need to impress him. You guys have already broken up. Don’t get me wrong, dress up in your sexiest outfit, do up your hair and make up, we are women still. But whether he hugs you and says, “hi” or “hey” won’t make your head spin. And if he says five word answers and not paragraph long responses you won’t think, “omg he’s not interested in me.” Heres some advice. When you answer a question about your life the first thing out of your mouth shouldn’t be something to try and make him jealous, like how amazing your new imaginary guy is. It should be a simple, “life is good”. Trying to over compensate turns them off as much as we don’t like to hear a guy try to prove the size of his dick by what verbally comes out of his mouth. You always want to make a guy think. If you don’t tell him much he will be more envious and intrigued by the mystery he is given to come up with in his own head then what’s laid out on the table in front of him.

To end with the point of my experience is that I could be myself with this guy. I didn’t second guess everything. We actually talked about how messed up our dating each other was. Ladies, hearing a guy admit his faults, if that doesn’t bring a smile to your face i don’t know what will. This doesn’t mean I want to pursue things with him by any means. It just was a way to get some closure, and turn the tables a bit. It’s nice sometimes to look back and laugh at the delusions we create in our mind. A chance to learn from our mistakes. Especially if you’re taking the dating advice in this blog. All I am saying is when you’re able to totally be yourself with a guy you date and not have to question every little thing, maybe you should pause and think, “wow, now this feels good, maybe being with someone should be more like this”.

Bend and Snap Circa 2011

Hello Ladies and few Gentleman. I am back with a fresh post on the art of picking up. Why? Because in recent events it has come up a lot. I have seen girls throwing themselves at guys, playing too hard to get, and just simply not putting yourself out there. The way to score a perfect pick up is to put all that into one in equal parts.

This post’s title is due to the fact that Ms. Elle Woods made the Bend and Snap legendary as her pick up tool. Look at the woman who won the fed ex driver, I mean come on. All it took was a simple attention grabber. Now a days throwing a pencil on the ground and bending over like you have dollar bills coming out of your g string isn’t what it used to be. Sure, you will receive attention, but not the kind you want (unless gross creepers float your boat then knock your socks off). So scratch that out of your head and save it for a drunken movie night with your best friend or charades. What to come is a few different techniques that you can use depending on your level of ballsiness.

First off, figure out who your target is. When you see someone you are interested in giving a soft smile and flirty eye is that key that unlocks his testosterone. It is important to lock eyes for a maximum of two seconds. Any longer he is going to think you are extremely creepy. If he smiles back you’re in, if he looks away with that quick “im being nice” smile and ignores you, move on, or if he does not even lock in with you forget it. Depending on the courage these bravehearts have you will know whether or not you need to make the next move. Give it some time to see if he comes and talks to you. Most of the time it is a comment about something random like the drink you have in your hand, an article of clothing you are wearing, or my favorite (the cheesy) “Do you have the time?”. The cheesier the line they come up with the more they find you attractive. Some times its because they are too nervous to think of anything clever so they go with basic instinct, which is kind of endearing and sweet. It is a definite sign to give yourself some power in this situation. Although, cheesy is not always good ladies, it could mean you are talking to a total douche who used that same line on three other girls before you and got totally burned. But give him credit he had the balls to say something at least, that shows character.

Within the first 5 minutes you will know if it is going somewhere or not because once that buzzer goes off, if the conversation is still flowing you’re golden, if the awkward alarms are swooning its time to peace out from him. Little known fact, guys in general aren’t going to waste their time talking to you if they don’t find you attractive or think you’re cool. If you’re that girl who can’t take a hint that a guy isn’t into you here are some clear signs. He is giving you short word answers, won’t look at you at all because he is looking for an escape route, and tries to walk away within the first thirty seconds. That is why catching his eye is such an important first step, so you don’t have put yourself through that embarrassment.

Lets say he doesn’t come over and talk to you, if you still see him after a while go ahead and start a conversation with him. When you are talking to him there are many things to remember in the first meet. Here is one of the biggest mistakes people make, the first sentence should not be hello, hi, hola, or sup sexy. Start with a statement like, “My friends were wondering where you got your shirt from. She wants to get it for her boyfriends’ birthday.” Starting with something that isn’t as cheesy as “I love your shirt, where’d you get it” puts you out of the position of you complimenting him. Instead your friends did making him unsure about how you feel he looks. It is a way to make a man feel insecure with out hurting him. The first sentence out of your mouth should be a conversation starter that has room to grow. Another option is the simple, “You look so familiar, I feel like I know you from somewhere.” It is a great lead into small talk because you can continue on with where they are from, how long they have been here, etc. If it works out later on go ahead and tell him you lied, he’ll probably find you 10 times cuter that you made something up just to talk to him.

Asking a guy questions is important, you don’t want to make him do all the work. Their brain has one straight line with a few speed bumps on how to talk to girls. Their natural instinct is, “I have to ask her about herself because that way she will think I am interested in her.”. That can go two ways. It can be a sign that he could be really into you. When you find him stuttering and looking down to try and figure out what to ask you next it is because he is nervous. Good job you make a guy nervous, you probably have a thousand times before and never knew it. When the guy is asking you questions and talking to you as if he is reading a screen monitor behind your head his goal is to try and hook you and lay you. That’s it. He prepared his script for the night and now using it on you. Guys always like being asked questions rather then feeling they have to try and find out all about you when they honestly don’t give a shit. Why would they care? They don’t even know if they emotionally like you yet. We know they are physically attracted to you. That is the small opening of a door that leads to the emotional feelings. When one person is doing the main talking (answering questions) that person is the most vulnerable. That person is the one having to talk about themselves, where as the person asking the questions isn’t quite in the hot seat. They have control over what you can talk about because of what they are asking you to share with them. That is underground power my friends. At about half way in to the conversation it is time to throw in your back handed compliment. These are statements that make him think to himself, “is that a good or bad thing?”. Some examples are “you really make me feel intelligent, especially when you talk”, “i’ve never seen a man chug so many drinks”, “your hair is really short/long”, and “i didn’t know they made shirts like that anymore”. Anything about his words, appearance, and actions are always golden to target. The more you practice the better you will get with it, get creative.

If you want to pick up a guy and he is with his group of friends, the first step doesn’t change. Catch his eyes, trust me, any guy in a group will be looking around for some female he can talk too. Do not let him come to you, wait, and then go to him. Walk over to his group as if to talk to him, but instead start talking to one of his friends. All different thoughts go through his head, “did I just get rejected?”, “did she just choose my friend over me?”, “I should have gone over to her.”. It will give the friends an ego boost because they think they were chosen before him, and make the guy jealous because you didnt communicate with him first. Once he realizes he still has a chance with you (since you engage him into the conversation) new thoughts come into his head, “this girl is really interesting, i can’t read her.”, and “my friends totally dig her, i got the approval.”. Getting in with the friends is key. He now feels a new level of comfort in the fact his friends like you, and a new sense of intrigue because he wants you and is not sure where he stands with you. Let’s say he is standing in a group that is not just all guys, there are other females. Use them to your advantage. A lot of women become extremely uncomfortable around other woman, and don’t hide it well either. Engage women to show you aren’t inferior to them. Guys see it more then you do. When walking up to your target and his lady friends, address one girl first and go with the most obvious choice of words, “I love your dress!”. When do we women ever shy away from a compliment like that? Flattery will take you far, just not with a guy. That will make you sound insecure and needy for his approval, two things he will run away from in a speedy manner. Once you become friends with the girls, then start to make your play on the guy. The goal is to get him one on one with you, it is possible. After some time talking in a group sitting, tell him to join you to a different spot such as inside or outside, the bar for some water, or a different section of the location you are at.

Body language is a key component. Never let him think you are in full engagement with him. Have your body facing half way to him with one shoulder always out. If it looks at any moment you are able to get up and walk away he is going to try and have you stay there. When he is speaking do two main things. One, look down or in an opposite direction as if you are not interested. Two, do a sexy eye gaze with pursed lips. The idea is to make it look as if you are listening intently, but really its the look you give right before he goes in for a kiss. He isn’t going to kiss you but because you look like that it’s his natural instinct so it makes him think about it. Think of America’s Next Top Model’s famous quote from Tyra Banks, “smeyezing”. It is important to execute both because they are representing two complete opposites of emotion. You don’t want him to think you are solely not interested or solely interested. Make the man’s thoughts go back and forth in his head like a ping pong tournament, “she’s interested, she’s not interested, she wants me, she doesn’t want me.”. Don’t play with your hair. A quick hair flip with a giggle, that is sexy, and that is all you need. Everyone now a days knows that how you touch your hair when engaging with someone is an indicator of your nervousness and uncomfortability level. Pulling your hair to the left and right with your hands, putting it behind your ears over and over again, and touching your split ends doesn’t make him want you. What it does is assure him that he is in charge right now, that he has you. If you are in a group dynamic put your entire body towards the person next to your target or two persons over. Completely ignore him and only focus in on his friend. The way to show you aren’t interested in the friend is by still using all the key components on Mr. Handsome, just your body won’t be facing him. When talking to his friends take a pause to look towards your man, thats the time to use your tools. Once you start to talk with him in the conversation open your shoulder up slightly so you aren’t completely closed off anymore.

It is all about radiating confidence. Even if you don’t have confidence, act as if. You may feel insecure, less worthy, and not attractive enough for this guy but your actions say different. That is key. The goal isn’t to make him think, “wow she is into me”, it’s to make him ask himself, “is she into me?”. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “Confidence isn’t my problem, I am extremely confident!”. I am calling you the Regina George. If you don’t know who Regina George is go pop in the movie Mean Girls. Over confidence can be a huge problem with guys, almost the same as not confident enough. It can come off as cocky and bitchy. I am not saying that you are, but from a guys perspective that is what it looks like, plus high maintenace. You don’t need to make your presence known when you enter a room. Why would anyone want to go engage with that? For example, the over confident woman is loud, obnoxious, wants everyone to know she is there, and portrays herself that she knows she is hot shit (someone from VH1’s Rock of Love). While the simple confident girl walks in to a room with her head centered on her shoulders, and shows she can be herself with out needing the room to gaze upon her (think Natalie Portman). Guys look at the first girl and think, “she is extremely insecure and acting.”, or “she definitely should not be that confident.”. Regina George, I am just asking you to tone it down and find a balance. I am sure you have guys falling for you left and right, but let me guess they turn out to be the douche bags with the cheesy cliche pick up lines? That is because the good guys are too scared to come over to you. All they see are you talking up a storm to all these different guys, flipping your hair around like a windmill, and having a high turn over rate of men buying you drinks. Even the attractive douche bags can be too scared to pursue you. Just because someone is attractive doesn’t mean they know it. That is how we get played by most guys. We feed off the fact someone finds us attractive and gives us attention because we don’t believe it ourselves. Instead we live for their approval of how we look, behave, and perform. You can’t blame a guy for using our weakness when we hand it over to them on a silver platter. Don’t get me wrong there are assholes out there who just are pure assholes, but there are guys we like to call “assholes” because it’s easier to do then admit we had any part in the scenario. You don’t want to get hurt? The answer isn’t to put a wall up, its to not tear down the one you have. Here’s an example of one of my wing girls who is the most insecure person I know. Ask any guy she has been with and that is the farthest thing they would put on a list about her. Why? Because she fakes it till she makes it, holds her own, and acts as if. When dealing with men she becomes an actress and takes on another character. She knows acting insecure and shy with a guy isn’t going to get her anywhere except alone, so she takes control and holds her own. Is she the loudest, sluttiest, most exuberant girl in the room? Absolutely not, because that is the kind of over confidence that turns a man off unless he wants to hit it in the bathroom stall and leave her there. The thing I love best about my friend which makes her such a professional is after she finds that guy and picks him up, she still holds on to that fake confidence she created for herself all through out her relationship with him from beginning to end. The result is most times the confidence turns from fake to real, but best part, it wasn’t him that gave it to her, she did it for herself. Girls can act as if when they first meet a guy, but once they get him to like them they become lost in that cloud of love dust falling over their face. Not giving in to a guy is the hardest part, trust me I know but having the underground power is rewarding for you and him. Why I say underground is to not let him pick up on the fact he’s being whipped and played. The first step in having power begins with the exchanging of phone numbers.

Once you have finished the conversation with your new gentleman, be the one to wrap it up. Think less is more. The conversation should not be lasting all night, let alone an hour. He needs to see you aren’t clingy, that you are an independent woman who wants to go back to having fun with your friends.That is why you keep it brief. In his mind he might even feel you had some consideration for him and wanted to let him go back to his night. If you encounter the guy trying to ask for your number first come back with a lie such as, “I’m suppose to get a new phone tomorrow so why don’t you give me yours?”. Don’t get too excited sometimes guys either ask you just to leave you and not be rude, or because they are genuinely interested. Having his number and him not yours puts him in the waiting position. Now he has to guess if and when you are going to contact him. If the guy doesn’t ask for your number first, go ahead and say, “I gotta get back to my friends, but give me your number.”. Notice how I made that a statement. I didn’t ask him for the number, I told him to give it to me. He is now in a position where he can’t say yes or no, but doesn’t even realize it. It usually goes straight over their head, that is a good thing. Sometimes a guy will try to rebuttal and ask for your number instead, don’t give in. Go back to the lie above or come up with something on your own. What you exactly say isn’t the most important, the way you say it is. The whole point is to not ask him a question when it comes to what you want, tell him. There are times a guy does not give in to giving you their number, that is when you go on your merry way and no number is exchanged. He is baffled in the fact that you really wouldn’t give in and by the end of the night you may end up getting grabbed and pulled away just for him to hand you his number. In other scenarios, he wasn’t that interested in you. Better to find out sooner then later. The only important thing to do after you get his number is continue on with your day or night, and catch his eyes and smile. Do it only a few times so he knows you weren’t just asking for his number and never going to call him again. Don’t do it too often that it seems you have a twitch. The point is to show you genuinely are interested and he sees that. There is no need to try and interact with him again until it is through a phone. If he starts coming over to you different story. A little interaction is okay, but brief, and then pull the oh so popular card “hard to get”. Ignore him, walk away, don’t let him come to you, and right before you plan to leave your location catch his attention one last time, give the best “smeyez” you have, and thats it ladies.

Call Me You Loser

Boys, you have kahunas, why don’t you use them?

Lets start with scenario one: *wishful thinking*

Boy: Hey, (insert cheesy line), so seeing if you would wanna hang out sometime?

Girl: Yeah that sounds good to me.

Here’s scenario two: *typical moment*

Girl: Here’s my number (xxx) xxx-xxxx

Boy: (puts it in his phone)

Now girl sits and waits, stalks facebook, creates statuses to try and get attention, and continues to play puppy dog to her cell phone. We think, why isn’t he calling? A- he either isn’t interested or B- he doesn’t want to get rejected. Ask yourself, did you play too hard to get? If so, make a move! What’s the worst that can happen? You get rejected? Boo Hoo, less time wasting on a boy who isn’t worth it. Now if you play the part of not giving up you need a serious reality check. Let him go. The harder the choke hold you create the more he suffocates. Remember that. Lets look at the other side of the coin, you make a move and he responds to you. Shows he has kahunas just too scared to use them. You make him feel secure and he knows you’re interested in him now. You did your job. Time to sit back and see if he makes another move. If he doesn’t then you let it go, maybe he was just being nice and didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Just because a guy responds doesn’t automatically mean he is into you. What move he makes after determines where you stand.

Three day rule: If you are waiting to hear from him after the first initial phone number exchange wait at least 3 days before you contact him, if you do. If after you talk to him, give him a 3 day leeway to get back to you and make his move. I know it sounds so cliche` but guys aren’t the brightest most complex people. They all follow the same code. There are some exceptions. It depends on the day of the week you talk to this fellow. If you meet a guy on a Saturday most of the time you won’t hear from him till Thursday. Thursday is a main day that guys will contact you. Why? Because its the underground first day of the weekend. They think they are still in the clear of the week, and not placing you as weekend booty call. Heres the thing boys, we aren’t that stupid. I mean, we know what you’re doing, doesn’t mean our actions show that though. We still get all excited that you’re contacting us and want to know our weekend plans. That Thursday call/text is just that simple reminder of “I want to get in your pants this weekend”.

Simple guy decoding:

-“I would like to see you this weekend” means “I want to hook up with you, most likely late night call”
-“Why don’t we meet up for drinks tonight?” means “I want to see you later when I’m drunk”
-“I’m just chillin, tired tonight, feel like stayin in, you can come over if you want” means “come lay me” or “I’m just trying to be nice but I’m really hoping you’ll get the hint I’m not down”

The other option is the guy who is into you more then just a booty tap. He actually contacts you during a week day and asks you on a date. I’m not talking about some coffee or lunch. Who are you? Business associates? 80 years old? No. Sometimes guys do that because they actually are too scared you won’t accept a real evening date. What if they think they are in the friends zone? Take control and tell them you want to go out at night instead. Maybe you get lucky and get the guy who asks you to dinner and a movie on a Tuesday night. Thats a good keeper girls. Some boyfriend material if he doesn’t become a clinger, creeper, or stalker. I call that the “common date”. If you get stuck in the position with a guy who doesn’t have an idea on what to do but does want to take you out come up with some ideas. It is so much sexier to a guy when you aren’t saying to him, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” And the ping pong conversation of that goes on and on. Be the girl that says, “Why don’t we go to the beach, mini golf, lazer tag, batting cages, the park, go karting, etc.?” Having options shows a lot about your personality especially the options you come up with. It also puts you in a power seat. You aren’t completely relying on him, you have a part. If he responds with “I don’t care” blow him off. Seriously, if he’s that boring and indecisive imagine how your conversations are going to go when you’re in person. Depending what type of guy you’re dealing with it can come off pathetic and pushy when he really isn’t down for anything and is giving you no reaction. It shows you’re just trying to come up with what ever you can to see him. That may not be the case, but he can take it that way. For some reason guys have this idea that girls just drool at their feet to see them. Where do they get these egos? (cough, thanks girls who chase and drop everything for a boy, cough). A lot of times thats the time where the girl is looking for someone to date and the guy is looking for just someone to hook up with. What kind of dates you go on, if any at all, shows where both your mind sets are.

Why I chose this topic tonight to talk about? Because I have to remind myself of this advice. Don’t get me wrong I still wait by that phone for those 3 days at times, and I would love to see a boy have some kahunas and just pick up a phone and ask me out. But life isn’t always that simple. Recently I met a cutie who is extremely hard to read, (intrigued much?). The problem with this one is was he drunk into me, or sober into me? He has my number, and knows how to get in touch with me. So my job is to follow these simple laws tips, decide do I or do I not take action, and figure out if he’s just not that into me or scared to pick up the phone. Thats all, plain and simple. Life goes on after. The hard part is if magically the boy you like comes around. Then having to remember all the BS you went through during the before contact, in between contact, and/or after contact. If you can hold on to those memories, you’re golden. He’s not better then you so don’t make him. He can take the back seat. Ignore him, make him go through what you went through, most likely it’ll drive him crazy. Thats good, he’ll want you even more and have regrets about his actions. What you’ll be doing? Collecting more compliments and phone numbers from the new gentlemen you’ve been meeting.

Point to all this: If you can’t tell if he is into you, then find out. If the guy doesn’t have the kahunas, then use your own imaginary ones.

Shoots and Ladders

“Men and women can’t be just friends.” How many times have you heard that before? Well its true. Yes woman can be friends with men, but men are unable to have that ability due to their high testosterone and reoccurring thoughts about sex. The first thing a man thinks when he looks at a woman isn’t “oh she looks like a nice girl” it’s “how attractive do i find her?”  Guys WILL have sex with anything, but that doesn’t mean they actually do. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of guys who bang anything that walks just to make themselves feel better. They don’t do it because they think they are hot shit, they do it because they think they aren’t worthy and just want to find comfort. It’s a huge ego boost for a guy when they get laid, period. A lot of times guys don’t have sex because of their insecurities. Maybe they aren’t as experienced and don’t want to suck. Girls, don’t take it personally if a guy wants to slow down a hook up. Take it as a compliment that they want to do you justice. It isn’t you so don’t feel rejected, he wouldn’t be hooking up with you in the first place if he didn’t want too. Thats a key statement to remember so let me repeat it again: he wouldn’t be hooking up with you in the first place if he didn’t want too. Just because you have clothes on, he still has an idea what you look like naked. (The guy is picturing you naked 98% of the time anyways). So when it comes time to rip off each others shirts and bare all don’t hold back. The least sexy thing you can do is try and criss cross your legs, fold your arms, and hide under the covers. Guys may have their short bus moments, but they aren’t blind to an insecure girl. Most women show their insecurities during a hook up and men show it before. There is something about getting rejected during a hook up that makes us scared and vulnerable but for a guy its a fear of getting rejected before you hook up. He figures once you’re going at it, he’s golden. If you don’t find yourself getting to any bases with the boy you want check 2 things: 1-are you giving him enough cues for the go ahead and 2-is he actually into me or am i creating something that isn’t there? You don’t want to be so open that he knows you completely want him on top of you because wheres the chase in that? If you are that girl that is flinging herself all over some guy and hear people laughing, they are laughing at the guys face of “What the F is she doing?”. Dumb bimbo left about 5 seasons ago along with the baggy jeans from clueless. What people aren’t laughing at is the girl who is on the other side of the room staring at the guy getting the lap dance with her back slightly turned to him yet her eyes saying, “I want you”. Don’t act like you can’t picture that scenario right now because I am guessing you have been either one or both of these girls. Tip: If you are giving him the lap dance that isn’t in the privacy of your own room after he took you on a romantic evening and you’re giving him a nice thank you, then im going with you should look into check point 2.

Body language, that is the key. A little giggle with a touch on his arm or thigh, when you talk to him look with this “I want you” gaze but the key with that is the lean. Where you position your body says a lot. Leaning in gives them the cue you are interested in them, but the lean back shows the stand off side to you. If you’re sitting with him put half of your body in the conversation. Usually this is a sign you aren’t invested in him, but if you angle your head back slightly and look at him and give a few touches to your hair, you are sending mix messages. GOOD JOB. This is one way to intrigue a man. The idea is to make him think “does she or doesn’t she want me, I can’t tell”. Touching your hair is a huge indicator of your comfort level. I’m not saying men are thinking to themselves, “she touched her split ends and pulled her hair behind her and away, she feels insecure.” I am saying what you do with your body is an overall expression to someone. It’s just a natural give away because it’s seen by almost every person walking down the street. So please girls don’t be pulling at your ends and have your hands in your hair 24/7. It’s not sexy. You look like the insecure Josy Grosy compared to a simple hair flip that can remind him of Pamela Anderson’s Bay Watch days. Now this is where your check 1 comes in to play. After time passes and he still hasn’t made a move give him one loud I WANT YOU sign. If he doesn’t take it he is a chicken. You did nothing wrong, if anything you made him want you even more. You’re leaving dissatisfied and he’s leaving pissed at himself. Better luck next time. The check 2 part is are you giving him signs but he is being stand off to you? When you look at him is he looking around the room to try and find the closest exit? When you talk to him is he not facing you, but rather one shoulder in and one shoulder out (not in that little boy insecure way)? In the conversation, are you the one having to do all the talking because his english vocabulary has seem to disperse to “mhm”, “ya”, and “nah”. Fyi he’s not that into you and would probably like you to go away right now. This does not mean he wouldn’t hook up with you. That’s where The Ladder Theory comes in to play.

The Ladder Theory. A man has one ladder. At the top are the people they really want, the ones who might even be out of their league. Of course those are at the top for two reasons, 1- the physical attraction, and 2- that chase of always wanting that person they think they can never have. Then go down a bit and there are the women these men like. An actual emotional connection. Moving further down the ladder we hit the point of women these men would just have sex with. The hit it and quit its if you must. These women are worthy enough to be used soberly and talked about with friends. Congrats, because if a guy will admit to his friends he slept with you then you aren’t too low on the ladder. He’s proud of you and holds you like a trophy. Most guys do not do that, aka douche bags. Be ready we’re walking down into booty call area. Next to come are the women guys have sex with only if intoxicated. They either keep you a secret, or admit to it months later on a drunken night when him and his friends are sitting around their X Box talking about random girls they boned. Almost at the bottom, but not quite are the undergrounds. These are the girls the guys keep secret. He doesn’t want anyone to know, sneaks the girl in and out of a place, and denies anything ever happened if caught. And clinging to the bottom are the girls the guy finds “coyote ugly”. If you have seen that movie you understand, if not, a basic explanation is he finds the woman so unappealing he rather chew his own arm off then touch her. That is a mans ladder. No where on there is the “just friends” area. The attractive factor is always there and when that meter is there any “just friend” expectation goes out the window. For the woman though, she has two ladders. One ladder is the friend ladder. This is where she places a guy she won’t have intimate relations with. The other ladder is very simple, the I Want You Ladder. As she goes a long meeting different guys she first chooses which ladder they belong on, and if it is the I Want You Ladder the gentleman are placed above or below other guys already on there. No only want you when I’m drunk, keeping you a secret, or I love you. The men aren’t categorized into groups, just listed in an order and depending on your level of toxicity, confidence you are feeling, or who is responding to your call makes the picker of where you put them. Why men think women are so complicated is the fact we aren’t very good at showing which ladder we choose them to be on. Of course guys will feel vulnerable, we do it them! I want you to picture between the two ladders a huge gap of abyss. This is where the problem arises for guys. It’s called Ladder Leaping. Girls even if you treat a guy like a friend, most of the time he doesn’t realize you’re just treating him like a friend. Or other times he does see you just like him as a friend but wants more so what does he do? He goes for it. The man is trying to leap across the abyss to the I Want You Ladder. I don’t know about you but I haven’t heard many stories about people making it. There are a few cases I won’t deny it but those are the special ones. So here we go, we have the friend deciding to go for it, and he either leans in for a kiss, tells you he likes you, asks you out, what ever. We either let him on the other ladder or let him fall into abyss with a gold ole heaping of “I’m sorry I just see you as a friend.” Whether he sticks around is up to him but don’t feel bad. You were honest and now probably enticed him even more. He might disappear for a bit to sit in shame and self embarrassment, but come back as if it didn’t happen. A- because you just became even more of a chase for him or B- he still likes you and thinks maybe another time he’ll try it in the future and see what happens. We’ve all been there. We’ve gone for that guy who told us he just wants to be friends or doesn’t see us that way to only stick around hoping he would change his mind. My point is don’t feel bad if he Ladder Leaps. As long as you’re honest its not up to you what actions he decides to take after this. You may be thinking to yourself, “but I don’t want to hurt him.” Its not up to you loves. He is the one putting himself in a situation he just failed at, the fact he wants to keep testing the waters is his business. You just keep doing your thing. My point to all this is that men and women just can’t be “just friends”.

A Blunt Beginning…

Let me start by telling you why I started a blog. I spoke with a new friend of mine about how I started writing a book. It is a basic go to guide on how to pick up a guy, whip a douche, tricky situations between friends and more then friends, and basically how to hold your own. She brilliantly suggested I should blog about all my experiences that happen as I go on writing this book during my insomnia spare time. After the weekend we conquered we thought, who wouldn’t want to hear about all the advice I had to offer. Walking away from the mass amount of eerie men who were walking circles around us (yes they blatantly walk in rounds because they think we either don’t see them or we actually enjoy getting stalked), to picking up 2 Aussie men at 3 am for some drunk grub, and after a night in Hollywood ending it with the booty calls sitting at home waiting for us, it was highly productive. The in-between actions is where I come to play. How to get away? Who to text and what to say? How to pick up the guy you actually want and dismiss the one you don’t? I am not much of a writer, but I am a great talker so my goal is to put my words down on computer and hope to make sense.

How many of you have said, “Wow, I can’t believe he turned out to be such a douche bag”? That amazing, sweet guy, we meet that gives us those butterflies and attention but by the end of your “thing” you are either blasting Alanis Morisette in your room, confessing your hate for him through facebook, or sitting with lots of alcohol in your hand sharing stories with your girlfriends. Why I say “thing” is because you never truly knew or discussed where you stood. If you did, it usually went like this: him- “I’m not looking for a relationship right now, I just want to have fun and see where things go” you- “yeah totally me too”. Maybe for that moment or that bit of time you are cool with it, but when it continues to stay there it gets extremely cloudy and unclear. Then you either make him disappear by continuing to ask about it, act like his girlfriend, or realize he told you up-front he didn’t want a relationship. Maybe you’re the girl in the opposite position where you don’t want to be a bitch and hurt his feelings. All I can say is if you’re honest its up to him if he wants to involve himself with you. Ready for a cliche: honesty is the best policy. A lot of time those platonic feelings change and you are stuck in a boat with a boy who doesn’t want you to leave after sex and all you wanna do is sneak out the minute he falls asleep because your sexual need was taken care of. Now you have a clingy needer on your hands, my heart goes out to you. The answer… we will get to all that later.

While you are sitting here reading this, I can bet almost all of you have either looked at your cell phone to see if “the guy” texted you, refreshed your email for new messages that aren’t there, or stalked his facebook page and the people that wrote on his wall. STOP! Why are you giving up all your female power and handing it over to him with out him knowing? Trust me, he knows you are interested in him. So here we go, if you have related to any of the above, what is yet to come is going to be hard. I am going to ask you to drop the phone, drop any of your old way of thinking, and be prepared and open minded for ways to interact with men. First things first, understanding Guy Code, The Chase, how to pick your men, ways to not scare guys off and more. After that its all about taking action; how to get the guy, lines to say with out being lines, ways to make him want you through the phone and in person, the sexual time line. It’s not just about how to look, and what to say, I am not trying to turn you into a robot. I am here to give you the tools to be your own person. A relationship with someone is about being equals, not one person a rock star and the other a groupie. A lot of the time girls start off equals, or maybe even more powerful but lose themselves along the way. Women are known for being sensitive creatures and thats why a lot of the time guys get away with most of the shit they do, because we let them. A little secret, most guys are equal or maybe more sensitive then we are. Don’t let your head tell you things, clear it out, and know you don’t have to be less then for anyone. Yes having a guy come over at midnight every Saturday when he’s wasted after being out all night with other girls and guys makes us feel good at that 12 o clock hour, but the chaoticness and stress up until those hours suck. The after, when he bounces, sucks even more. You deserve better. Yes, you like him so much that you’re okay with being his chitty chitty bang bang because at least you’re getting some kind of attention from him, but wouldn’t you want to be invited to go out with him before that midnight ring? It’s time to get honest with yourself.

The Game: “a form of play or sport, esp. a competitive one played according to rules and decided by skill, strength, or luck.” I give you this definition because that is exactly what you will be doing, playing a game. Dating, relationships, hook ups, it is all a game and what to come is all the plays you can put together for your playbook. Since you hopped on this site, I am going to assume you are stepping up to bat and usually striking out. That does not mean just getting rejected after the initial hello, it can also mean getting completely and utterly screwed over after an actual relationship fling. We always hear girls saying, “he’s such a player” but when do you ever hear a guy calling a girl out on playing him? Very rarely. Why you ask? Because girls let themselves get played with out realizing it. It all becomes about pleasing the guy, making sure he is happy, and doing what ever it takes for him to like you. By doing all those things you are scaring the poor boy away, and taking what ever feelings he is developing for you and throwing them down the drain.

People say all the time, “I don’t want to play games.” That is understandable to a point. Where have you seen someone introduce themselves saying, “hello, you’re attractive, I want you to be my girlfriend” and that was it? They were boyfriend and girlfriend at that moment, planned phone call times, knew when and what dates they would go on together, when your first kiss would take place on which date and when you would be having sex. That is extremely boring, as to why it doesn’t happen. There is the first initial chat, exchange of numbers, the staring at the phone for hours waiting for that someone to call,  the spontaneous dates, the phone call you make to all your friends when they don’t respond to a text after you send it, and then the butterflies in the stomach when you do hear back, first time you kiss, and the time he introduces you to all his friends. The second scenario has its up and downs, but those ups are major highs and those lows are three tissue boxes and The Notebook on your television. If you’re in a book store right now I dare you to ask the first male you see which situation is more appealing to them. Bet you anything he goes with the second scenario.

The game has different degrees. The whole point of a game is turn the other person on, not off, that is where the bench warmer becomes the pro. When someone doesn’t want to play games it usually is referred to the amount of time they don’t want to spend. Every action has a time line. For example, figuring out what to text on a phone and then after a response, having to wait to text back. It is exhausting having to calculate the minutes, and figuring out what every word the person says means (including between the lines). It also goes along with how many days until you can call a person after the first exchange of numbers, or first date. What game you play decides how exact you are to those time lines. Next to come is all about the chase, and how to pick up the man you want. My goal isn’t to just tell you things not to do, its to give you the tools and advice on what to do.